Schism
by emmablk1
Summary: AU. Lily finds out the hard way that following the marauders into the night has repercussions. This wasn't a good idea. Eventual JP/LP.  Formerly published as 'Werewolves'.
1. Chapter 1

It was a dumb idea. She knew she shouldn't have done it. Yet she needed to find out once and for all what was going on with those four.

So she followed them out to Hogwarts grounds, past the greenhouses, stealing a look at the lake, and finally stopping at the humongous tree that had been the subject of mystery among the students since first year.

It had been nicknamed 'The Whomping Willow'. Two years ago some first years had tried to get past it, certain that it was hiding something beneath its roots. They had gotten had far as the second branch when it suddenly snapped out and flung the boys a hundred feet in the air. They landed by the front door to the castle, obviously in need of medical attention. But that wasn't what had gotten the attention of the entire school.

It was the screams. Their screams echoed throughout the halls for days. Screams of pain and surprise.

She shuddered at the thought of it all.

As they stopped at the willow she inexplicably lost sight of all four boys, blinking once and then seeing nothing. It was as though they had completely disappeared. She blinked a few more times, convinced that she was seeing things in the dark midnight sky, but the moon appeared from beneath the clouds, revealing what she had thought; they were all gone.

She stared up at the moon as if asking it for answers. It was round, an absolutely perfect circle and for a minute she forgot what she was even doing there, out in the cold in November. She instinctively pulled her cloak tighter around her even though she felt no chill against her skin. There was something so eerie about the moon that night. She couldn't quite put her finger on why.

It was silent on the grounds, a weird happening for such a busy place at night. Usually there was a bird flying overhead, the squid in the lake moving around, or at least the occasional critter trying to get by the willow.

That was it. The willow had stopped moving; a strange sight to see in the evening light. Why was the willow still? It was so unlike its nature, completely contradictory from its normal behavior.

She was suddenly aware of a presence behind her. She turned around slowly, her hair standing on end in fright. There was nothing there. Of course. Her overactive imagination was in overdrive again. She breathed a sigh of relief and turned back around to figure out what to do about the Whomping Willow.

There was a wolf standing in her path.

His fur was dark, a brown if she had to guess the color. It was long, shaggy and seemingly filled with static electricity. It stood on end, as if the wolf were nervous or excited. But it was his eyes that caught her attention first.

They were Remus' eyes.

That, however conceivable it may have looked, was impossible-not to mention improbable. She had been noticing his eyes a little too often lately, perhaps, and simply transferred his eyes onto something else. That was possible, right?

She didn't have time to think about it, though. The wolf suddenly began to growl, his mouth snarling upward to reveal his sharp yellowing teeth. His eyes narrowed and any semblance that the wolf had had to Remus was gone. It was a cold blooded killer and it was after her.

For a second she considered running, but it was obviously too late for that. Any step she took would be followed by the wolf chasing her and he was probably the faster of the two.

"Good wolfie…" she cooed nervously, barely twitching her fingers without his eyes flickering to her hand. She swallowed hard and felt the coolness of the night wrap itself around her arms and shoulders.

The wolf took a step forward and she bolted. She was running as fast as she thought she could go and already she felt winded. She knew it was a rash decision, but there wasn't much of an option to begin with.

He was nipping at her heels and she could feel herself beginning to slip. The grass was still muddy from the rain last night and her shoes were tripping on it. The mud stuck to the soles of her shoes and slowed her down when she ran in the wet grass. She knew she was going to fall soon and fall hard. It was only a matter of time.

She went down sooner than she thought; if anyone had been watching they would have seen the look of surprise on her face. Expecting the wolf to instantly jump on her and start devouring, she flinched in fright when she felt the ground beneath her. But he didn't bite her immediately. Instead, she could feel the wolf tugging at her right leg, pulling her pant leg toward him and trying to drag her along with him in the other direction.

She tried to pull away from him, but he was too strong and when she protested too much he stopped dragging her and bit down hard on her ankle. She screamed in anguish as his teeth sank into her skin, piercing it to the bone. If he had bitten any harder he probably would have broken her ankle. Tears streamed down her face as he pulled her by her bitten ankle now and she didn't protest anymore.

When she finally dared to look up through the pain, she realized that they were heading towards a hole. She began to pull at blades of wet grass. There was no way she was going to fit into that tiny hole! However the wolf had other ideas and pulled her through it anyways, even though the sides of the dirt scrapped her stomach and her face.

The inside of the hole was actually a lot bigger than the opening, but she couldn't see anything at all. It wasn't until the tree roots began to hit her that she realized they were under the willow. The wolf pulled and she could only focus on the pain as he changed directions several times through the tunnel. In fact, she had forgotten all about being under the willow until the first root snapped at her.

Apparently after the wolf had passed through the roots of the tree it had woken up and was on the offensive. The first blow landed on her thigh and cut right through her jeans leaving a red welt. After that the attacks were much more painful.

There was pain coming from every inch of her body; the tree attacked her everywhere. She tried to cover her face with her hands, but in addition to getting her arms cut all over, her face still sustained considerable damage as well as parts of her neck. Her body was on fire and she cried out in anguish, twitching violently in response to the throbbing welts now creeping up anywhere the roots had touched her.

Then it was all over. As soon as the damage had started it was all over. She was in much, much more pain, yes, but at least the attacks had stopped. She was dimly aware of the wolf still dragging her, but she was in too much pain to care anymore where they were going.

Then she suddenly realized that she wasn't being drug anymore. The wolf had dropped her where the path had narrowed and sloped upward. There was a little light coming from above her head. Moving slowly to avoid using her ankle, she twisted around in the tunnel and pushed up on the wooden panel above her.

She came up through the trap door and discovered that she had come through the wooden floor of a house. Pulling herself halfway out, she lay down on the floor and collapsed, her feet still hanging over the edge of the hole.

There were footsteps hurrying toward her, but she didn't open her eyes. She let unconsciousness seep over her like a blanket, feeling a sense of numbing strike her body to let the pain go away. The very last thing that she could remember was hands turning her over and someone saying her name.

"Lily? Oh Merlin, someone get some help!"

* * *

_The library was silent except for the scratching of Remus' quill on the page. Lily was too distracted by his quick scribbling on the parchment to write her own paper. She was watching the ink in a desperate attempt not to look at his eyes. For being alone with him today had confirmed what she was already afraid of. _

_She had a complete and total crush on Remus Lupin. _

_It made sense, in a way. They were both bright and were at the top of their class. They got along very well and could even be considered friends. The only thing that, in Lily's eyes, didn't add up was why Remus hung out with those complete morons that he had deemed as friends; Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and the worst of them all, James Potter. _

_This fact alone almost made Remus a little less perfect in her eyes, something that she definitely did not want to admit. _

_"Lily?" Remus asked, not picking up his quill for a second. _

_Lily blinked and her eyes felt normal again. She had been staring for far too long, she realized. "Hmm," she muttered, comprehending that she held a quill in her hand too and trying to form a comprehensible word on the parchment. _

_"Are you staring at me?" _

_Her eyes went wide, but she held her head down so he wouldn't see. It wasn't necessary; Remus was still fully involved with his essay for Potions. _

_"N-no," She stuttered and wrote the words 'Potions Essay' at the top of her blank page. _

_Suddenly the opened book in front of Remus slammed shut. Lily jumped at the loud noise in the hushed room. She looked up, startled to find Remus' hand on top of the closed book, his eyes cold. _

_"I know you were." He stood up and shoved the book in his bag. "Don't confuse your feelings for me with the truth, Lily. I'm almost certain that you're displacing me for someone else." _

_He left the room with Lily's cheeks burning, her mouth slightly open. She watched him walk out, meeting James and Sirius at the doorway. James saw her look of utter shock and almost managed to look concerned. Lily was certain he did not mean it. _

_Sirius also noticed what James did. "Oh, don't mind Remus today," He snickered, his trademark smile plastered on his face. "He's just a bit moody right now. It'll pass, right Mooney?" He looked over at Remus, who muttered something under his breath Lily was sure he wouldn't have muttered under normal circumstances. Sirius just laughed. James glared at him. Lily shut her mouth and narrowed her eyes. _

_There was something going on here. _

_"You two go on ahead; I'll catch up." James said and he moved closer to Lily, sitting down in the seat Remus had just vacated. _

_"What do you want, Potter?" Lily snarled, setting down her quill and readying herself for battle. _

_James smiled. It was not his usual full-of-himself smile. There was something different about him with he smiled like that, Lily decided. It was almost…human. She chose not to be fooled. _

_"Listen, I'm sorry if he came off as a bit…off today." He said, leaning back in the chair a bit, completely relaxed. _

_This caught Lily off guard. She had never heard James Potter apologize before, especially to her. "I-it's all right." She stammered, looking back down at her blank potions paper. _

_James smiled again and for a brief and fleeting second she thought he might reach out and touch her reassuringly. He didn't. _

_"He'll be better soon," He told her, standing up from the table. He opened his mouth again and then closed it. She could see the hesitation in his eyes. He wasn't able to resist. _

_"Then you can go back to staring at his eyes as much as you like, Lily. I know he really appreciates it." _

_Lily's face burned with anger and she could feel her features contorting into a mask that was only reserved for when she was extremely angry. She was too mad to say anything else, gathering up her things in record pace and stomping out the door in four seconds flat. _

_She was so angry with James for tricking her like that, mad at Remus for pointing out her obviousness. But mostly she was mad at herself for letting her get wrapped up in James' apology and believing him. _

_She was angry for chastising herself for making a mistake; for a moment she couldn't remember why she had given up on liking him in the first place. _


	2. Chapter 2

It had begun as a typical full moon night. Remus had disappeared hours ago and the rest of the gang was to follow after his painful transformation was over. However, there was one important detail that everyone had forgotten about. It was somebody's night to accompany Remus down the Willow and make sure he didn't run off and do anything he'd regret.

If only they could remember who was supposed to go.

This was not a job that was coveted. Watching over Remus meant having to baby-sit a violent and renegade werewolf who hated nothing more than being cooped up in the enclosed space known fondly as 'The Shrieking Shack'.

"I did it last time, I'm telling you!" Sirius insisted, repeating his mantra he'd discovered during the course of the twenty minute argument they'd been having.

James sighed, "No, you didn't Sirius, remember? I had to heal the scratch that Remus gave me last time?" Sirius frowned, recalling. James circled the dormitory once more, trying desperately to remember whether it was Sirius' or Peter's turn to watch Remus.

'_Really, it wouldn't be such a big deal if one of them just owned up to job,'_ James thought spitefully. _'But Sirius is too lazy and Peter's too scared…which is actually how I got stuck with the job last time.' _He fingered his invisibility cloak with frustration.

"It's getting late, James. Why don't you just go?" Peter tried unsuccessfully to persuade him. James gave him a death glare and Peter flinched. Without the calm and reassuring form that was Remus, the group didn't have the same balance that it normally had. Just another reason to hate the full moon.

Sirius gave James a look of reproach. "You know Prongs, out of all the animals here a stag is probably the only one who could stand a chance against a werewolf…Can you just imagine this poor puppy trying to fight that wolf? Madness, I tell you!"

James sighed heavily and finally gave in. "Fine. It's getting late anyway. But Peter needs to come to push the knot in on the Willow." Peter looked annoyed, but nodded and got up to accompany him. They both turned to look at Sirius, who was still lounging lazily and steadily avoiding their gaze.

"And what exactly were you planning on doing all night?" James asked, crossing his arms.

"Oh, you know; the usual. Make a run around the castle, set some traps for the Slytherins, and maybe antagonize the squid in the lake for a bit." He caught sight of James' serious face and stopped. "Or maybe I could just baby sit a werewolf for the night. I'll be the envy of all the boys in Gryffindor."

James pushed him off the couch and muttered, "You bet your arse you will."

"Now, now Jamesie. There's no need for language!" He was ignored as the boys slipped quietly out of the common room with the help of James' invisibility cloak.

The instant they were outside it was apparent that things were different.

"It's too quiet." Peter observed, uneasy in the silence.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Let's just get this over with, alright?" A second later he was a black dog badly in need of a haircut.

James sighed. Full Moon nights always made everyone testy. It was almost like helping Remus was more of a chore than something they should want to do for their friend. Seeing that Peter had transformed also, he did the same and followed the mismatched pair toward the Whomping Willow.

In stag form James was more acutely aware of sounds around him. Suddenly Peter's observation from earlier was starting to make more sense. Remus' usual howls were absent from the night and the rest of the grounds almost seemed eerie without them, a homing beacon that told them where Remus was and what he was doing. Without it, he knew something was amiss.

The eclectic group of animals made their way through the tunnel as James headed towards the shack. Once on the porch, James noticed a peculiar smell. Concentrating harder on it, he suddenly realized that it was the scent of Lily's perfume. Immediately the hair on his back stood on end. He was suddenly more alert than he had ever been before.

Racing through the entrance specified for him and his antlers, James entered the shack. He darted to the room where her smell was strongest and realized as he entered that it was same room where the tunnel entrance was.

Lily was stretched across the trapdoor that led to the tunnel. Her face and every inch of uncovered skin were covered in shiny red welts. Her eyes looked half dazed and were glazed over in pain.

Instantly James was back in human form and at her side. "Lily? Oh Merlin, someone get some help!"

There was a scratching from the trapdoor underneath where they sat and James tenderly picked Lily up and set the other two free from the tunnel. The annoyed rat and dog climbed quickly out of the hole. They were ready to pounce on James for holding the trapdoor down when they caught Lily in his arms. Immediately the two were back to their own forms, with scared expressions.

"What the hell happened?" Sirius cried as soon as he could talk. He and Peter raced to Lily, taking in every detail of her attack.

"How did she end up in here?" Peter ran his hands through his hair, a sure sign of stress.

James shook his head. "I'm not certain, but it looks like she's been through a war with the willow." He gingerly knelt down and sat on his legs, holding Lily in his lap.

Sirius' eyes went wide. "You don't think that Remus…"

"Dragged her through?" James stared at him and shrugged. "It's not what one wants to hear, but…" He trailed off, uncertain for a second if he could feel her breathing. His own breath caught when he felt hers start again.

Peter looked around the house, more than a little shaken. "I don't know guys. I don't like the looks of this." His beady eyes searched the surrounding rooms. "Where's Remus? And why hasn't he tried to attack us yet, if he's close enough to smell us? This doesn't sit right." He suddenly caught a glimpse of Lily's ankle.

"Oh damn. There's a bite."

James' grip on Lily get tighter and the tension in the room worsened.

Sirius swallowed hard and nodded. "Right, then. Two people should stay here and watch out for him. This isn't a safe environment for Lily. Peter will take her down to the Infirmary and-"

"Why are you taking her?" James demanded. His eyes were wild and scared.

"Because you're the only one who can stand a chance to fight a werewolf, Prongs. Peter and I wouldn't last long together." Sirius explained calmly, his heart racing and his nerves on edge from the predicament.

James set his jaw and let the defiance blaze in his eyes. "I'll take her."

"But James, it doesn't really make sense that-"

"I'll take her."

"But-"

James gave him one last glare before dashing out the door, Lily in his arms.

* * *

_Potions wasn't a particularly hard class, but it was sincerely boring. The only thing that made it better for James was that Lily sat two seats away from him, as Remus' lab partner. That meant that every time Remus was absent because of the full moon, James was Lily's potions partner. _

_Thank Merlin for werewolves. _

_James slid carelessly into the seat next to Lily, nearly knocking over a bottle full of bluish liquid in the process. Lily caught the bottle and raised an eyebrow at him. _

"_Where's Remus?" She asked cautiously, not wanting to seem too disappointed. _

_James shrugged. "Lady problems?" He grinned and two girls sitting across the room swooned, but Lily remained unmoved. _

"_Let's just get this over with, shall we?" She began gathering up all the ingredients needed for their potion, trying very hard to ignore James sitting next to her. She reached for another bottle and her arm collided with his, bringing a blush to her face. She decided to ignore the tingly sensation in her arm and the gentle smile on James' face. _

_Lily cleared her throat and poured the bluish liquid in the cauldron. "So where exactly is Remus? Should I make a trip to the infirmary to check on him?" she asked innocently. _

_James twirled a piece of ginger on the table as his smile disappeared. "Oh, I'm not sure that's a good idea right now. He's a little contagious. Best to let the virus run its course." _

_Lily pursed her lips and grabbed the ginger from him. Throwing it in the pot, she wrote something down on her parchment and mumbled an "Oh." Then her insatiable curiosity got the better of her._

"_What precisely is wrong with him?" She avoided James' gaze and bent down over her paper again. James' mood turned sullen. He was hoping that Lily's little faux crush on Remus would have stopped by now and she would be back to fighting with him again. He missed the increased sexual tension. _

_He took the bottle Lily was clutching as retaliation for her taking his ginger earlier and uncorked it. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?" He asked, mocking her. He turned to pour the bottle in. _

"_No! Don't add that yet! It will-"Her warning came too late. As soon as the liquid touched the surface of the bubbling potion it exploded, sending cauldron pieces flying across the room and singeing James' eyebrows. _

_James and Lily were sent to clean up, sentenced to finishing the potion in detention for not following directions. They walked silently down the hall, each one ignoring the other's presence. _

_The second they entered the wing containing the bathrooms, Lily turned to him as if she could stand it no longer. "You know, you don't have to be such a…a…an imbecile." She glared at him and opened the door to the ladies' room. _

_James crossed his arms, "An imbecile. I don't have to. But you don't have to be pretending to like Remus just to make me angry, either." _

_Lily stopped halfway through the door and turned around. "For your information, I'm not pretending to like Remus. He is a genuinely good guy, unlike some people in this hallway." She almost turned back around, but thought better of it. _

"_And even if I were pretending, it's working better than I would have thought, don't you agree Mr. Potter?" _

_With that she slammed the door shut, leaving James in the hallway, alone in his thoughts and with a battered pride._

Well, I hope that anyone reading this enjoyed it, because I spent a lot of time on this chapter. I'm beginning to like where this is heading. Let me know if you do too!

emmablk1

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

I wonder if anyone is reading this anymore? I still love this story, so I will be updating it when I get the chance. :)

Enjoy! (As always, the italicized bit at the end is a flashback.)

* * *

Emilee Huxton awoke the next morning to find her best friend missing. Lily's bed wasn't made, but as it never had been, Emilee didn't take this as a sign of anything wrong. It wasn't until breakfast that she started worrying.

James Potter wasn't there. And while that in itself wasn't enough to frighten her, it was the fact that none of his harebrained friends were there either that really made Emilee's stomach tie itself in knots. Usually the foursome was loud at breakfast, James hitting on Lily unsuccessfully while Sirius bothered the Slytherins. After Lily rejected Potter, the group left, off to find trouble somewhere else. But with both the group and Lily gone, Emilee didn't quite know what to do or how to respond.

Should she take it as a sign? Did Lily and James finally do something one of them would regret? No, then where would the other three be? They couldn't possibly be all together? But what could they be doing that would mean all five were absent for breakfast? A very dirty thought entered her head and she blushed.

Deciding that breakfast at this point was impossible, Emilee left to do a quick run through the castle. She checked all of Lily's usual hideouts, but to no avail. Getting frustrated and beginning to panic, Emilee stomped outside to search the grounds, the last place to look.

She ran face first into someone's chest as soon as she stepped out the door. Pulling back and rubbing her now sore nose, Emilee was about to snarl something rude to him when she realized who he was.

"Sirius Black!" She gripped him by the shoulders, Sirius' face turning to confusion and pain. She had a gripe like an iron vice when panicked. "I'm so glad I found you!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "If you wanted me that much, you could have sent an owl or something." His usual wit seemed stifled and even he didn't laugh at his joke.

Emilee rolled her eyes and ignored him. "Where's Lily?" She blurted out, too frantic to consider asking nicely.

"How should I know?" Sirius' eyes didn't meet hers. "Shouldn't you be the one to keep track of her?" He tried to move away, but stopped when he realized that she was digging her long fingernails into his shoulders.

"Look, either you can tell me where Lily is, or I can hex you until you're unable to have children." Sirius desperately wanted to step back, but he was beginning to lose feeling in his arms from her death grip.

He swallowed and made a decision. "Alright. But you have to promise not to freak out." He took her hand to lead her through the doors to the castle, but Emilee pulled away.

"Just because you're helping me doesn't mean that you get to…pull some sort of moves on me." She crossed her arms, uncomfortable.

Sirius blinked, smiling a bit. "You're paranoid." Emilee just shook her head; sure that she knew all of Sirius' tricks. "Do you want to see Lily or not?"

Emilee sighed and followed Sirius through the castle, stopping abruptly at the Hospital Wing.

"Stop wasting my time Sirius. Lily's not here, I've already checked the entire castle." Emilee turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm.

"You haven't been looking in the right places." Sirius nodded towards the stairs leading up to Madame Pomfrey's office. Emilee couldn't find the words to answer him, still trying to fathom how badly Lily was hurt. "Look, this is serious. I don't even know if they're going to let you in." Sirius looked distressed, an emotion that Emilee was surprised to find he had.

Emilee swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. "What exactly happened to her?"

Sirius wouldn't meet her eyes. "They're taking her to St. Mungo's."

Lily was dreaming of arms encircling her. She felt warm and safe, wanting to stay there forever. In the back of her mind she knew that her ankle hurt like hell, but while this warm feeling lasted she convinced herself the pain wasn't there. As long as she refused to acknowledge the throbbing nothing bad could happen to her.

She reluctantly opened her eyes, seeing nothing but blurry images. She didn't want to wake up, but the more she became aware of her surroundings the more she was awake. And the more she woke up, the more she was aware of the blaring pain in her ankle. She tried to move it and couldn't help but cry out in agony.

"Shh, don't try to move sweetie." Lily looked up to find her mother's face swimming before hers.

"Mum?" Her speech felt slurred, like her tongue wouldn't move the right way. Her mom, although blurry, seemed frazzled. There were tears forming in her eyes.

"Mum, what's wrong?" One of the tears escaped and rolled down her cheek. She put her hand over Lily's eyes.

"Just sleep." Lily's eyes were already crying out for her to close them. She gave in and soon was sleeping soundly, darkness enfolding her.

This time her dreaming was erratic, focusing one second on a number of spell she was supposed to have been studying for her test in charms and then moving on to a strange dream where James picked her up and carried her for some reason.

Lily hated dreaming about James. It was always so lovely, but it felt painful at the same time. She never dreamed about Remus, although she often wished she could. He had the most beautiful eyes.

Eyes. The wolf's eyes. Remus' eyes. They were the same, she knew it. But that wasn't possible. Werewolves weren't allowed in Hogwarts, everyone knew that. It was a simple matter of safety for the students and faculty. And Remus? Gentle Remus couldn't possibly in a million years be a werewolf.

But how else could one explain the Whomping Willow dominating the school grounds? Lily let her mind drift, picturing the tree's branches swaying like arms in the breeze. Why would the wolf be heading there? It didn't make sense. Unless the wolf knew where to go.

That was it, the wolf was obviously intelligent. But still? Remus? Lily shook away the thought and drifted further away from where her mind had been heading. She was falling into a field now, full of bright flowers. Too bright. The red ones hurt her eyes. She shut them to block it all out, but she couldn't keep the image of Remus' eyes out of her head. Those bloody beautiful eyes.

Then suddenly there was an excruciating pain in her ankle, one she recognized. She screamed as those eyes turned menacing once more as abruptly teeth began to bite every bit of flesh available. Her body was on fire and she couldn't move one inch to relieve the pain.

Lily awoke with a start, her body nearly sitting completely up as she woke. Every muscle screamed out in agony as she breathed heavily and struggled to remain upright. The room was dark; she had to let her eyes adjust to see anything.

She slowly realized that she wasn't in the same room as before. Her mother was also gone. As her breathing returned to normal and her eyesight adjusted she heard a soft whimpering coming from the corner.

It was too dark to see that far away and Lily fumbled around for a bit, hitting her wrist and smacking her ankle simultaneously as she struggled to find the edge of the bed or at least her wand nearby. She finally found a way out of the bed without doing any further damage to herself.

Walking was quite possibly one of the hardest things Lily had done since she was teething. She made it to the misshapen hulk in the corner only to collapse at its feet. She gripped a knee and tried to stare it dead in the face, only to discover that she knew this hulk very well.

"Lily? What're you doing?" Remus looked down to find her grasping his left knee as if it were her life support. "Get back in bed!" He reached for his wand and brought light into the dark room.

The light revealed just how badly Lily looked. Remus winced and mentally began to count every scar and gash he had inflicted on her. Instinctively he reached out and cupped her face, stroking a particularly nasty mark softly.

"You saved me." Lily rasped at him, her voice sounding like her vocal box had been run over a few times by a dump truck.

Remus started, his hand frozen on her jawbone. She really couldn't remember? "Lily…"

"I knew you would." Lily rested her head on the same knee her hand was still gripping. "I always knew you would and not…" Her eyes closed as Remus quickly pulled his hand back. His entire body was unsure of what to do. One part of him wanted desperately to crawl on the floor with her and hold her until she healed. Another part thought she smelled so amazing that he contemplated whether or not biting her was actually a bad idea.

Then there was the other third of his brain that was quickly overtaking the other two. It told him that he was a jackass for doing this to her, that without him her life would still be normal. He had condemned her, and for that sole reason she could never be his.

No matter how much he wished he could have her.

* * *

"_I'm going to kill him. I swear to bloody fucking Merlin, I will." James paced back and forth across the room that he shared with the three other marauders, holding his wand and occasionally using it to throw things across the room. _

"_I'm sure it's some kind of mistake." Peter mumbled, quite sure that it wasn't at all. He ducked as an alarm clock came whizzing past his ear. _

_Sirius sighed for the third time in ten minutes. "I've told you before, Prongs. You can't put a brand on Lily when she's never been yours. You have no claim on her! Remus can do whatever-"A pillow was zipped into his chest, knocking the breath out of him. _

"_She is not some fucking animal, Sirius! Stop talking about her like she is." James's eyes were slightly wild behind his glasses. It gave his face a kind of maniacal quality that was beginning to frighten both Peter and Sirius. _

_The door slowly opened and Remus stepped in, wearing the type of face that a guilty child would wear when trying to hide something from his parents. He shut the door just as slowly as he had opened it, letting the click last practically a full minute before it was shut tight. _

_James wouldn't look him in the eye, which gave Remus the courage to look at him. "It was an accident, James. I swear." _

_Peter and Sirius retreated to the walls as they recognized the look in James' eye that meant he was about to send something large and heavy flying at Remus' face. _

"_How do you** accidentally** kiss someone? Let's hear you explain that, hmm? Were your lips magnetically pulled towards each other?" Peter stifled a giggle in order to live. _

_Sirius grinned. "Actually, there is this one spell-" _

"_Shut up, Padfoot!" Sirius winced and recoiled back to his open hiding place._

_Remus stood his ground. "She kissed **me**." _

"_And that's any better how?" Peter moaned, shaking his head. James' wand sent his potions book through the room, slamming itself into Peter's nose. _

"_You've made it perfectly clear since day one that Lily is yours, James." Remus had the decency to look guilty as he spoke. "She doesn't want me. She's only using me, honest to Merlin." He shifted uncomfortably under James' gaze. _

_Silence ruled the room as James processed this, mentally compiling a judgment. Peter rubbed his nose, hoping it wasn't broken. Sirius wanted to sigh again, but couldn't break the stillness. _

_James spoke quietly, lowering his wand. "Did you enjoy it?" _

_Yes! That was the first word that entered Remus' head. Absolutely. Was the best thing that had happened to him since he was accepted into Hogwarts. It was a dream come true, something he never thought would happen to him in a million and one years. But outwardly, he said what James wanted to hear._

"_No," The moment he said it James visibly relaxed. "I'm not encroaching; she's yours." James smiled faintly and the four felt like best friends again. _

"_Sorry." James said quietly and he moved toward the bathroom shutting the door behind him, eager to get out of the room. _

_Remus made his way to his bed as Peter picked up the potions book, still rubbing his sore nose. Remus didn't look at the other two until Sirius' voice broke the silence. _

"_You'll never forgive yourself for that."

* * *

_

Let me know what you think! I've already started another chapter, so everything's going well here. Love it? Hate it? Let me know. :)

emmablk1


	4. Chapter 4

Remus had relived the kiss over a million times. It only got better. He knew it had been fabricated and that it was a lie of epic proportions, but that didn't hinder his happiness over it in the slightest.

The best thing about it was that that particular moment was his and only his. He didn't share it with Sirius or Peter, and he most definitely didn't have to share it with James. No matter how much James wished he could have taken Remus' place at that second in time, he would never get to experience it himself unless his plan to get Lily actually worked.

The worst thing about the memory was that he had lied to James about it. True, Lily had kissed him first, but Remus was the one to instigate it. It was his fault, not hers. That sole reason made lying about it twice as hard.

Remus sighed, shifting in his seat so that his butt didn't hurt quite as badly. He'd been sitting in Lily's room for over twelve hours now, slowly detoxing from the last full moon night, the last night of this month, thank Merlin. As the last remnants of animal bloodlust left him, a sense of immense guilt replaced it. What the hell was wrong with him?

He had ruined her life.

Lily shifted, suddenly opening her eyes. Remus realized that he had been staring at her for over twenty minutes. He felt a blush creep over his face as her green eyes found his. How was he going to tell her?

"The first twenty-four hours are the worst." He told her, hoping she would get his drift. Her brow furrowed and Remus noticed that her eyes weren't entirely focused. She wasn't moving. He remembered how much it hurt to move before the first day was over and he frowned.

"Something…bit me." Lily muttered, barely audible. Remus got up, ignoring the pain in his legs from sitting for too long, and crouched down next to her. She tried to close her eyes again. _No, Lily. It's now or never. Either I'm telling you now or you'll have to figure it out in a month on your own. _Remus shook her and her eyes fluttered open.

"Someone. Someone bit you." She looked confused again. God, her eyes were green. They were greener than….Remus was shit with metaphors.

"But, it was an animal," She protested, struggling to push herself upright on her elbow. He could see the pain flashing across her face. "He bit me, he…broke my ankle."

Remus licked his lip, preparing himself. "I bit you. It was me. I'm an animal." He braced himself for denial, anger, maybe even violence. He wouldn't blame her. Instead, he started as her hand reached up and caressed his face, her thumb right next to his eye.

"Those eyes…" She fell back on the bed, falling asleep once more.

He fell back on his tailbone, placing a hand over where hers had been a few seconds before. He was torn between wanting to make her understand exactly what had happened and excitement in the pit of his stomach at her touch.

Merlin he was pathetic.

* * *

"I don't think this is the right ward, James." Peter glanced around the hallway, his eyes lighting on a man being strangled by a rather large plant while a nurse attempted to blast it off him with her wand.

Sirius laughed a bit at the spectacle. "I don't think this is the right floor. Did you read the sign right?"

James was getting more and more frustrated by the minute. "Shit. Did it say first or fourth floor?" Both Peter and Sirius stared at him.

"Are you serious? We just walked up three flights of stairs for nothing?" Sirius looked livid.

"So I didn't have to hear from three different portraits how I have a very rare and dangerous case of splattergroit?" Peter complained, his mouth dropping.

James growled a bit, then turned on his heel. "No. I'm sure it's this way. Somewhere down here." He walked past the man still being choked quickly, Sirius and Peter following him resentfully.

"Wait!" The trip turned to find a very short dark-haired girl running toward them, holding what looked like four bouquets of flowers.

"Oh thank Merlin. Emilee, you know where we're supposed to be going, don't you? Prongs here couldn't find his way even if the map were shouting directions at him." Sirius laughed at his joke, but it was short.

Emilee huffed. She handed the bouquets to Sirius, who staggered under their weight. Between two of the arrangements was a thick stack of books. "It's actually just around the corner here." She managed to say as her breath slowly returned. "So I think you were doing rather well." She smiled at James, who instantly felt better.

"See." He poked Sirius, who nearly fell over and hit a cart full of bandage wrappings and smelled like rotten eggs. Peter winced.

"You can follow me; I was just going there myself." Emilee set off in a hurry, leaving Sirius with the flowers and books. James hurried to catch up with her stride and Peter pulled Sirius along with him, since his view was blocked by one enormous lily.

She turned one corner, then another. James and Peter began to lose faith in her almost immediately. Then, when they thought they was good and lost, Emilee opened a random door, poking her head in.

Sirius pushed the door open behind Emilee, quite sick of holding the bundle and being her lackey. He stumbled in the room, pushing her in as he went. Thankfully, someone was there to break their fall.

"Moony!" Peter cried out, as the werewolf caught Emilee and Sirius fell face first on the floor. Lily fidgeted, but didn't wake. All three boys glared at Peter. "Sorry." He whispered.

Remus helped Emilee as the rest of the marauders entered the room, closing the door behind them. He looked exhausted, with eyes that were bloodshot and swollen. Thankfully, Lily didn't look any worse than she did the past night.

"Where're Lily's parents?" Sirius asked after he got up, moving closer to Lily's bedside and avoiding the look James was now giving Remus. If James could hex through eye contact, Sirius had the feeling that Remus would be writhing on the ground right about now. Peter took a hint and joined him on the other side of the room.

"What are you doing here?" James snarled, spitting the words out, barely moving his mouth. Emilee quickly took the chance to pick up the strewn flowers and books, giving Sirius a glare as she did so. He shrugged apologetically.

Remus looked at Sirius. "Her parents went home. As you can see, there isn't much to do." He turned towards James, not holding his gaze for more than two seconds. "I wanted to be here when she woke up. To explain. And help."

"Well that's more than what you did for her the other night." James moved to Lily, letting the subject float in the air. Remus ignored that particular elephant in the room.

"So…is she a…?" Peter trailed off, not quite sure what to say. Sirius hit him for tactlessness, but asked the same question in his look at Remus. Emilee merely arranged the books on a table filled with pieces of parchment and a vase stuffed with azaleas.

"I don't know." James turned to look at Remus as he answered. He looked hopeful. "No one will know until the next full moon."

Sirius continued to stare at Remus. "But you think that she's…"

Remus swallowed, avoiding James' stare. "Most likely."

James looked back down at Lily, his expression of hope gone. He brushed his fingers against hers, and they moved, catching his index finger.

"Well at least we know one positive thing about all this." Sirius laughed, clapping his hands together and pointing at Lily's chest. "Lily looks bloody brilliant in a hospital gown. I prefer her without a bra, I have to say." His trademark grin reappeared after nearly fourteen hours of having no reason to use it. Emilee smacked him, but she too was grinning.

James opened his mouth to retort, but was cut off by Lily, who spoke with her eyes closed. "I swear to Merlin, if you're looking at my chest right now, Sirius Black, you're going to be blind in about twelve seconds."

The mood in the room lifted as everyone laughed and Lily dragged herself into a sitting position. She felt her fingers still locked with James' and quickly disentangled her hand from his. James grinned a little and put his hands in his pockets.

"Forgive me for noticing, Lils, but it was kind of staring me in the face." Sirius laughed again as Lily crossed her arms over her chest with great difficulty.

"Coming from him, I'm thinking that's a compliment." Emilee poked Sirius in the ribs, enjoying the gasp of pain he let out.

Lily laughed, and then looked around the room, blinking rapidly. "What are all of you doing here? It's not that big of a deal. So I got bit? What's the matter?" Glances were exchanged, until everyone was looking at Remus.

"You didn't tell her?" James sighed, obviously frustrated. His temper was flaring up again, but he pushed it back down.

Remus laughed self consciously and rubbed his arm. "I tried. Last night. But she must not have been fully…coherent."

"Obviously." James tried not to glare at him anymore, but his eyes were narrowing on their own accord.

Sirius leaned over, his arms resting on the sides of the hospital bed. "Let's put it this way, Lils…You now have your own chapter in our Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook."

"Chapter thirty-four, to be exact." Peter piped in, grabbing the same book off of the table where Emilee had stacked it.

Emilee grabbed the book from his hands and hit him with it, then slamming it in Sirius' chest. "If you'll ignore the tactless boys…Remus, care to explain?" Her eyebrow was raised in his direction.

Remus smiled at Lily, but she just stared blankly at him. His grin faded and he swallowed hard. "I think you are, I mean, I think you might possibly be, a…a werewolf." He stammered.

Lily looked at him, confused. "What do you mean? What-who bit me?" Glances were thrown at Remus and she connected the dots. "Oh my God. You bit me?" Emilee reached out toward her, but she pulled away. "How could you? How did you let this happen?"

Remus flinched. This was the reaction he had expected last night; he knew the sweet caresses wouldn't be the end of the conversation. "That's not all." He muttered, hoping no one would hear him.

All heads turned in his direction. "What do you mean that's not all, Moony?" James asked menacingly.

Suddenly Emilee laughed. She stopped abruptly when everyone looked at her like she was a mental patient. "Sorry, I just got the nickname." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"It's only important if you actually are a werewolf." Remus started, hesitant to go on. "So we won't know until next month."

"And?" Lily prompted.

"And if you are, then you're my…my mate."

* * *

No flashback at the end this time, mainly because I couldn't think of anything to put here. The ending is enough. If I do think of one, then I'll either put it at the beginning of the next chapter or edit this one. Or if you don't want to read one, then let me know and I'll stop writing them.

Thanks for reading!

emmablk1


	5. Chapter 5

Ok, just so everyone is on the same page here...the italics in this chapter denote a dream sequence, although the section that is the dream is also a flashback. Everyone has had those dreams, right? Where you dream about something that's happened that has given you stress or joy or some other high emotion? Well, that's what this is.

Awesome, just fyi. Enjoy!

* * *

Silence filled the room once more. It seemed louder than the laughter that had filled it just a few minutes ago. Remus shifted uncomfortably under everyone's gaze.

"Your mate?" Lily repeated, almost certain that she had heard him wrong. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. Then again, those eyes…she was sure they had been Remus'. This was insane. "Mate? That's just so…"

"Sexist?" Emilee filled in the blank, shaking her head in disgust.

"Animalistic?" Sirius added, shrugging. As outlandish as it all seemed, it made more sense to the marauders as to anyone else in the room.

"Fucking psychotic?" James spat out of his mouth, also giving Remus a disgusted look that matched Emilee's.

Lily looked at James, a little shocked. "I was going to say archaic, but yeah. That was my second thought." James didn't acknowledge that she spoke.

Remus pulled at his hair, wondering for a second how much force it would take to pull it all out. It might be less painful than the scrutiny he was enduring now. "I can't control myself when I'm in that form." He looked up at James, saddened by the look on his face. "You of all people know that, James."

James' face contorted, as if he had smelled something particularly rotten. "You're really going to blame biting Lily on your control issues? You've never bitten one of us!" His voice rose as he gestured around the room.

"This is different!" Remus' face turned a shade of red. "You're always animals. It's not the same if I bite you."

"Exactly. Then why did you bite the one person it would affect?" James snarled.

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the now vicious argument being conducted between the two best friends.

"Don't you understand? There's nothing I can do. I marked her. I can't take that back! For all intents and purposes, she's mine!" Remus' words were followed by another silence before he broke it. "Technically." He blushed.

James looked at Lily, her mouth still slightly open from being interrupted. "And what if she doesn't want to be yours?" He asked, softly.

Lily closed her mouth and let herself look at James. She could read something in his eyes, but she didn't want to interpret what it meant. Swallowing hard, she turned to Remus. "I need to sleep."

There was a general outcry from everyone surrounding her bed.

"Lily…"

"But, we need to talk!"

"This wasn't supposed to happen, I swear."

"This is insane. Fucking, bloody, hellishly insane."

Lily shook her head, the voices making the pain in her body worse somehow. She brought her hands up to her head, placing them over her eyes. "No!" She moaned at the crowd. "I. Need. Sleep. Just leave me alone."

She looked from James and Remus to Sirius and Emilee. Peter wouldn't look her in the eye. "Please."

"Fine." James said shortly. He motioned to Sirius and Peter. "We'll be in the cafeteria." The three moved to leave, Sirius tapping Emilee to follow them.

Only Remus stayed standing, looking rather moody. "Lily, I-"

"Just go away, Remus." She laid back down, her head turned away from him now. She didn't even know he had left until the door clicked loudly behind him.

It wasn't until she released a few tears that Lily finally found herself succumbing to sleep.

_She dreamed of that day. The day that everything changed, as cheesy as that sounded. It wasn't her first kiss, but then again her first kiss was from a muggle boy who lived down the street, so she wasn't really sure that counted. _

_It wasn't sweet. In fact, it was incredibly awkward. Lily was in the library yet again, stacks of books surrounding her on the table. She felt skittish, like a squirrel who had forgotten to store any food for the winter. Half-heartedly she was working on Charms and Transfiguration essays, but she kept drifting off, her eyes peering over the smallest stack of books before her. _

_When she spotted Remus at the row of books across from her, she immediately looked away. Then she looked back, flicking her eyes back and forth from his profile to her defiantly blank piece of parchment. He was refusing to look her in the eyes; she was sure he knew what she was doing. His concentration was impressive, but he gave up after the tenth time she looked at him. _

"_Do you need help with something, Lily?" He asked icily. Lily felt as though snowflakes were falling across her spine and the room seemed to drop below freezing. _

_She kept staring at him, unable to speak for a moment. He sighed and took a book from the shelf, turning to leave. Lily found her voice. "I'm sorry." She blurted, which stopped him dead in his tracks. _

"_I'm sorry about the other day. Here. In the library. I didn't mean to…to make you uncomfortable." The words tumbled from her mouth at a rate she couldn't stop. "I shouldn't have done that." She finished lamely. _

_He turned back to her, upset. "Why are you apologizing?" _

_Confused, Lily continued to stare at him. "Uh, because I feel terrible?" She explained hesitantly. It didn't feel like enough of an explanation, and she continued hurriedly before Remus could say anything. "And I know it was wrong. But I'm not displacing anything, I swear. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry." Lily put her head in her hands. "That doesn't make any sense." _

_Remus slammed the book down on a nearby desk, harder than he intended to, and Lily jumped. "I want you to figure out your real problem here, not try to gloss things over with me." _

"_I'm not glossing over things!" Lily felt her pulse rise as her temper reared its ugly head._

"_I'm trying to explain-" _

"_Explain what?" Remus interrupted, now closer and looming over her and the fort of books she had made for herself._

"_Explain that…" Lily's voice dropped and she could feel her face flush, a wonderful inherited gift that came with the hair color. "I like you. I don't know why. I just do. I'm sorry."_

_Remus scoffed. "That's not your problem."_

_She stood up, crossing her arms. "What exactly _is_ my problem, do you think?" _

"_You're in love with James." He answered immediately._

_Lily's eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared. For a moment Remus considered taking a step back because he thought she might curse him then and there. She didn't say a word, but instead grabbed her bag at her feet with such force that she knocked the table and a few books toppled over from their precarious positions. _

_Instantly Remus felt guilty and he bent down to pick up the books. Lily slapped his hand away and took out her wand. "I've got it." She flicked her wrist and instantly the books rose in the air, flinging themselves back to the shelves they came from. _

_Remus stood, but was knocked off his feet as one of the books propelled itself into his chest. The wind was pushed out of him and he couldn't muster an outburst of pain as the corner of the book was imprinted on him. _

_Within a few seconds the rest of the books were gone, but this one sat fluttering on Remus' chest, like a broken butterfly. The back cover and inside pages flopped helplessly. Remus tried to focus on breathing. Lily shoved her parchment, quill, and ink in her bag, then looked down at him. He looked pathetic, touching her heartstrings and annoying her simultaneously. _

_She knelt over him and gently removed the offending book, tossing it aside. It faltered, and then hit the shelf it was aiming for, bouncing off and landing on the floor once more. Lily helped him sit up. He was clutching the place where the book had landed and he coughed a little. _

_Lily laughed. "You're such a pansy." She said, and Remus tried to smile back. _

"_I think you're getting too good at charms." He retorted. Lily smiled wider, dipping her head in a bashful fashion, even though she loved hearing the praise. _

_Remus had a moment of weakness. She looked at him again, her eyes piercing, and he damned himself for reaching out to her. He couldn't help it. He cupped her cheek, like he promised himself he wouldn't. Then he froze. He literally couldn't move anymore, his hand stuck to her face. _

_Lily was reacting on pure instinct. For a moment she forgot that they had just been fighting over the fact that she might be in love with his best friend. She only leaned forward a little, but that was all she needed to do. _

_The feel of his lips on hers was strange; she had never been this close to someone before. The thought occurred to her that she should be enjoying this. It was her first real kiss, and not only that it was with someone she actually liked. Someone she was sure she liked not more than a minute ago. Someone she had wanted to hit less than thirty seconds ago. _

_The kiss was short; it felt like they had only just met when they parted again. It was sweet, awkward, but cute. Suddenly she had the insatiable feeling that something was missing._

_Remus had released her, but when she looked at him again she found that his face had been replaced with James'. She screamed and pushed him away, touching her lips. _This isn't right! It didn't happen like this. I didn't want to kiss him!_ She thought briefly, before the dream shifted and she found herself in an entirely different position. _

_She was running. She felt speed, the wind in her fur. Fur? She looked down to find that she was running on four legs, with fur the color of dried blood. It was unreal. It was wrong. This wasn't supposed to be happening. But it felt so amazing. _

_Something caught in her peripheral vision and she swiftly turned to the left, her claws catching in the dirt as she did so. _

_It was a rabbit and her mouth watered at the sight of it. She sped up. The rabbit sensed her presence and ran ahead to elude her. Adrenaline coursed through her body; she seemed to fly through the air, leaping like the animal she was. It felt bloody fantastic. _

_Her mouth closed around the rabbit's tiny neck, her teeth sinking into the small frame. There was a snap and it ceased to move, hanging limply. Blood had drenched down Lily's frame, more seeping out of the rabbit every second as she slowly chewed it before spitting it out and letting the blood fling itself across the ground. _

_She began to pick it apart tendon by tendon, savoring every ligament. It was raw and better than any meat she had ever tasted. She brought her mouth down for more, not able to get enough of the sweet taste when she realized that she was crouching down, her hands mixed in the animal's intestines, blood under her fingernails. She released it in horror, her hands finding her face and discovering more blood. _

_She tried to get it off, wipe it all off. Her hands found themselves in the dirt, but that only mixed the liquid and created something altogether more difficult to clean. Panicking now, she clawed at her hands, her throat, her face. Nothing helped. Her chest tightened and she let out a cry of anguish. _

Lily sat bolt upright in bed, quite sure that the scream has escaped her lips through the dream. This was insane. It was all fucking insane. She had to get out of here; she had to leave, now. The room was dark, but she was alone. Mustering all the strength she had, Lily bolted out of bed, taking her tangled sheets with her to the floor.

Quickly she found her clothes and rushed to put them back on, trading the hospital gown for something a little less freeing. Dimly, she thought of her parents and where they were, but the thought left her head as she stole into the hallway. The night nurse was asleep and very easily Lily found her way out.

The coolness of the night made her hair stand on end, but she relished in it. It felt like coming home.

* * *

This chapter needed major revision from its original form…needless to say, I plum forgot about it and was stuck for a while. I'm sorry for the delay. I actually started writing it last semester, so I definitely owe you all an apology! I hope you enjoyed it.


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